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Here were some of the actual remarks the President almost made the first three hours after the Christmas airline terror incident:
PO: Hi. thank you all for being here. i know we are interrupting your day on the beach, just as I had to give up my 35th day of playing golf because some joker almost caused a man made incident on a plane earlier today.
Ummm. Uhhh. thank you. I want to give a shout out to my friends who went to the hospital with their kid because she stepped on a seashell. And those things can be really pointy. Ummm. uhhh. ummm. and leave marks. fortunately, we had word from the doctors and the specialists we flew in from california that she will be just fine. A little bruising and it did not break the skin. ummm. uhhh. duh. ummm. Michelle and the whole family and I are having a good time, but again, we want to stress that we could have had a better time if none of this airline thing, yadda yadda yadda, ummmm, uhhh, doh, had occurred.
some people are confused about the timeline of events. the men we pressed Bush to release from guantanamo had received art therapy in saudi Arabia before I took office, so again, ummm, uhhh, I am not responsible for their, for their, ummm decision to promote more man made incidents, like this attack from the pantyhose bomber.
As homeland scrutiny director napolitano said earlier that they system worked. We had all the intelligence we needed on this guy, but an ally, the Dutch, who were friends of George Bush, failed to stop the man from boarding the plane, so ummm uhh I can't really be held accountable. my administration has taken drastic action to stop these kinds of attacks. i have promoted art therapy in a dozen countries, and i have interrupted at least 5 golf games to speak to you people.
ummmm uhhhh, duh doh, ummm, i almost forgot to say hello to the representative from hawaii who will be running again in a few months and we are holding a fundraiser tomorrow night at the Wakahini wahinai hilton. it's $1200 a plate and i know the tuna is really good so don't miss that.... Ummm. uhhh. ummm. duh...duh ummm. So to summarize, the slaughter of innocent people was avoided and we did our jobs effectively and George bush didn't, and that's why i am here. I have been working hard on the change you can believe in, and so you must believe things have changed. ummmm.
And napolitano just said the system failed so that proves that what we said just a few minutes earlier is a good indication of how flexible we are to change, especially when confronted with facts. And so i want to thank the TSA, and homeland security for keeping us safe. Oh, and that Dutch guy will not be prosecuted by Barbara Boxer as I have asked her not to hold hearings on why he left his seat and burned his hands grabbing the other man's crotch that was on fire. So, in summary.
I did a great job. thank me for the holiday season. ummm. everyone is good and the kid is not cut on the seashell. now Ill rejoin my golf buddies before it gets too late to continue. have a great holiday and new year and know that my administration is focused like a razor on keeping all Americans and yemeni bombers safe.
thank you.
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